I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
