I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
