So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize