Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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