You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
