my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
