you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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