shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
