fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
