I CAN MOONWALK!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
