You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
