Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
