it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
