the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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