Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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