I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
