Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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