That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
