I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
