It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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