ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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