He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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