Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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