Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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