Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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