I don't think brook has ever known best
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
