Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
