i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
