Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
