i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
