you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
