It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
