There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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