All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
