I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
