My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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