I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
