I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
