I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
