Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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