Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
