I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
