This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
