hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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