so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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