Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He passed out mid-signature
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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