the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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