you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
