Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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