I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
