Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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