sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize