He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
