i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
