I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
