I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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