Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
