Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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