dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
