fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
