she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
