I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
