It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
