I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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