in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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