My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
