i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
