We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
