Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
