I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
