Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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