On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's rum buckets o'clock
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
