she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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