That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
