I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
